Birth Story
Driving home from the hospital I thought to myself, the world will never be the same again.
Everything’s changed.
My 4 day-old daughter lay snug in her car seat and it occurred to be me that the way I looked at life had transformed. There was a different hue and flavor to the all the familiar sights, sounds and smells.
There was something so overwhelmingly beautiful about that moment.
A momentous realisation.
A visceral change.
A world that reflected back so much more love.
This exciting lifelong journey has just begun and my heart is exploding with love.
Now that I have given birth I have come to know that each woman’s birth story is sacred, each story so special.
This is my birth story.
It begins on the 14th Oct 2018 when I woke up like every morning of the last few weeks wondering if this will be the day. It was a beautiful sunny morning and the sun streamed in through our bedroom window as we hugged and kissed in our devotional love bubble interspersed with reading magical unicorn stories to our baby to be.
As I trekked down the stairs, to the kitchen, to satiate my pregnancy hunger something inside me shifted and in an intense gush my waters broke.
I squealed with excitement.
This was the beginning of the best day of my life.
The beach beckoned us as soft contractions rippled through my body. This is interesting I thought, so far so good.
On the beach, sitting on the sand, the contractions leveled up. I squished the sand between my hands as the contraction peaked, Dax held me and we breathed together as our dog bounced around us and passersby’s looked on curiously.
These are already so intense I thought.
“Dax”, I said, let’s go home.
Walking up to the road and waiting for the traffic to clear, a second almighty gush and my waters broke again.
I doubled over and reached for a log on the side of the road as another contraction swept my body.
We laughed as I waddled home with soppy wet pants, leaving behind a landmark of memory.
As soon as we got home I ran a bath. It was around 11am.
Rocking and bobbing in the bath I felt soothed by the water. Soft tribal beats played and I hummed along feeling the distraction of the water and the sensation of warmth.
The next waves of contraction took all my concentration. I closed my eyes and watched it begin, mount in intensity and rush through my body.
I needed to get out.
Dax looked at me and said “I think you should vocalize your contractions. Don’t hold back”.
This seemed to intensify the experience even more.
As I closed my eyes, I travelled to the heart of the contraction with my breath, body and mind. My voice howled to meet this erupting sensation and I held nothing back.
I felt primal, I felt alive. I had found my birth song.
Straddled over a chair I looked at Dax, Summoning a rational thought I said, “We need to prepare to go the hospital”.
“In time”, he said, “in time, not yet.”
Contractions were so close together now and demanding my entire focus. Where was our Doula? Just keep breathing.
Though I felt steady despite the chaos inside, the thought of going to the hospital was sitting in my rational mind. I now wanted to be in the room where I would bring my baby into the world.
“Dax”, I gasped. “We need to go.”
He timed a few more contractions, looked at my intently, looked back at his watch and agreed. “Yes we need to go now. “
At that very moment our Doula arrived and we tumbled into the car. It was hot, it was small and I felt confined. My voice would have to be the anchor.
I slumped over the back seat as the tunes of my birth playlist began. This helped me to feel a little calmer, to tune back inside, to concentrate on the waves, ripples and spirals that rocketed through my core.
At some point in the heat and twists and turns of the car, where the intensity seemed overwhelming, I remember thinking this is ridiculous! What am I doing? Why would you take this path? Without drugs? Crazy! Why suffer the pain?
I surprised myself with these thoughts that sprang from nowhere. I had made the decision to birth this baby without them, yet I understood now why woman would choose this path and in that moment all judgment left my body. My doula squeezed my hips, I howled into her chest and I continued to be with my contractions.
Finally we arrived at the hospital. I got out as fast as I could and had another contraction on the side of the road. We were in the lift now and I could feel things speeding up in my body.
As Dax dinged the bell at the maternity ward I had another contraction on the counter. The mid wives arrived to my howling song.
We were in the birthing room. Oh sweet, sweet relief. There was nothing I needed to do, no rationality, no other purpose but to open and birth.
Heart monitors, calls, music, obstetricians, all was a hazy blur as I labored around. I overheard that I was already 10cm dilated and it was time to push.
Second stage labor had arrived.
The next couple of hours was a body and soul bending mixture of emotions, sensations and surrender. In between showers, yoga mats, beds and toilets, straddles and howls, I was given a mirror to see my baby beginning to appear. I was overwhelmed and over joyed and just about every emotion in between to see a mass of black hair descending through my body. Is this actually her I thought?
Every body was excited. I kept focus.
I flung myself over Dax and together we howled and howled. He held me and met me in the push, heat and dance of our baby descending. I had never felt so met, so supported and honored. My man and I were together in this dance for life.
The mid wife came to me, “Emma you are so strong, I need you listen to me now, I need you to change your breathing.”
She taught me how to breathe to push my baby out.
I stood on the mat spiraling my hips, waiting for a contraction to build. I saw a huge spiral descending form the heavens and swirling down through my body and pulsating my baby out. The spiral of life was moving through me.
I flung my self over the bed with the doula holding my hands on one side and Dax holding my hips on the other.
“You need to push more” the mid wife said, “You can push much more.”
And so I did.
I grunted and grunted with pursed lips from the waist down.
The obstetrician walked in and said why don’t we try a different position, why don’t you try lying down on the bed on your back. My birth team looked at one another and I knew what they were thinking, this wasn’t an ideal position, but we tried anyway.
I lay on my back with my legs right up to ears, like happy baby yoga pose.
The contraction built and I pushed my feet against Dax and the doula. There were cries of encouragement, and Dax went wild exclaiming, “I can see her, she’s really coming.”
He was so excited and happy that it spurred me on.
I remember feeling like I had a cheer squad for my vagina. Hilarious I thought, every birthing woman needs this.
As contractions built and passed the obstetrician touched my perineum saying “the baby is stuck and won’t come through because my perineum isn’t opening. I would like to go for an episiotomy.”
Dax instantly replied a defiant “NO. She can do this, we don’t want one and we want to do this naturally.”
“Ok” he said and backed off.
The room went quiet after what had been a whirlwind few hours, I lay waiting for a contraction. In my head I chanted my vagina is stretching and opening easily and effortlessly. I put all my focus and attention on this part of my body and asked for it to open and stretch. In that moment I felt whatever I wanted to ask for would manifest. There was a power, a gateway and it was laid out before me.
Dax pressed on my nipples and a contraction rose.
I said to myself this is it. This is the one. And I pushed like I had never done before. I went beyond any limit I had ever set up for myself, I summoned my strength from the deepest part of my being and then I summoned some more.
And in that power, strength and intention her brave little head popped out. Dax and I reached our hands down to her and on the next contraction we lifted that body and soul onto my chest.
We had birthed our baby into the world.
She lay on my chest with my heart expanding and bliss erupting from my being.
Those precious moments were nothing I had ever felt before. The sweetest moment, cherub and cherished, blood and skin, the deepest connection, bonded forever.
She is here, I sighed, she is my love, she is my daughter.
