You can’t control your boyfriend but you can control your business.

My first boyfriend taught me a lot about business. His name was Gary and he broke my heart. We met when we were eight years old, fearless and free. He taught me there were only a few things you could control in your life, and one was your will to succeed in business.

I remember the summer Gary came into my life. I lived in England at the time. He and his brother came swooning into town and moved in next door. His brother was the perfect age for my sister and Gary and I were clearly destined to be together.

One afternoon he and his brother set up a tent in their garden and invited us over. Gary got straight to it and said, “let’s kiss!” I agreed, but said I didn’t know how to. That was my first lesson in becoming an artful kisser. He was an excellent instructor and I was a diligent student.

We spent the summer holding hands, kissing, running through the long grass, making rope swings and collecting frogspawn. I was head over heels in love. Being with Gary was an adventure and even at eight, I felt this was going to last forever. Gary felt the same. And together we wove the strands of a romantic future.

When school went back, Gary was the new kid on the block. Popular, handsome, not so academic, but who cared, he had the charisma and rebel streak, a Danny Zuko-esk charm!

And then he fell for Kate. I was no longer his Sandy. Heart-broken and confused, I couldn’t understand what had happened.

My eight-year-old brain couldn’t comprehend that someone who had been so in love had suddenly flipped a switch. Throughout my twenties and thirties this has happened to me again and again, though — to be fair — I have more often been the dumper, not the dumped. In a love relationship, one thing is clear — no matter how much in love you might be, there is always free will. You cannot and should not control the other person. Their free will, no matter how strong the union between you, can come into play at any moment.

Now I know some of you may be thinking I obviously needed healing, that I had some unconscious block and pattern that caused this. Well, for the record, I’ve done all of that healing journey and it’s been incredible – life-changing, rewarding and empowering. Yet when all the healing is done, you can’t change the fact that people have free will and in relationships there are two.

But in business, although it can be unpredictable at times, I am always in the driver’s seat, I am always the captain of my ship and I can always steer my destiny to wherever I choose. In short, business you are the love of my life. And I will never break up with you.

To make sure you keep in control of your business, I offer you the following tips, which will never leave you feeling like you are at the whim of somebody else’s free will. The business of success is nothing more than consistent action, a controllable asset you execute day and night.

1. Cultivate and romance your mind every morning. The best way to do this is through meditation. Basically, there are two types and, depending on what you are working on, you may chose to focus silently on your breathing or on creative visualisation.The former is good when you need to clear your head, when you need an answer, and for listening to your intuition.Visualisation is good when you want to manifest something, or practisea behaviour or situation you see happening in the future. It is good for downloading a way of being or an experience you would like to feel. I’ve been meditating for 20 years. I love both kinds and they both work well together.
2. Plan your success. Get some butcher’s paper and a big pen. Lay it out month by month. Look at the specific things you want to achieve over the year and bullet point them by month. Don’t overload the months. Don’t try and do too much, you’ll sabotage your success that way. Dream big, execute methodically — and post it on the wall where you can see it every day. In your meditation, focus on these things, see yourself achieving them; visualise the successful outcomes of these goals.
3. If you have trouble sticking to a plan and being self-accountable you may need to hire someone. Chances are that if you hire them and pay them, they’re not going to dump you — unless you’re a complete nightmare to work with! It’s useful to get the ball rolling on projects for which you know you need a little extra motivation.
4. Inspire your action. One way I get inspired is through studying and learning. Continued education and knowledge make me feel alive. Knowing there is always more to strive for, always another goalpost, stretches my vision and my mindset. Education comes in many forms. In doesn’t need to be a course, or educational video, blog post or mentor. I often find it through film, shows, overheard conversations, walking or just wherever I am and whatever I’m doing. When you see the world through a lens of sharing content and communicating, everything becomes an incredible story, an opportunity to reflect on how that can benefit you and others. Listen, look, feel.
5. Of course there are always people you may work with in your business who, as in a love relationship, can exercise their free will at any time. Therefore, you must develop systems that will allow someone else to step into their place. This will enable them to know their role and their duties quickly. Good talent, like a good boyfriend, can be hard to find. However, this allows you to focus on finding good talent and streamlining their role so that if you do get employee-dumped, it’s not a major catastrophe.
6. Be in control of your brand. Start top-down, not bottom-up. What do I mean by that? Small businesses don’t seem to value branding too much. They seem to think it’s something elusive and doesn’t matter to them and their position, whereas big business knows it’s everything. Starting top-down means you focus on your brand. Ask yourself what it is, what it stands for, what it means and the story it tells. You need to be able to control that perception in the mind of your potential customers. Un-careful planning leaves you and your brand out of control in the eyes of your audience. What are the feelings, images, words and stories associated with your brand? If you don’t do this now, you will have to when you grow. So better to start top-down and control this all the way from the start.
7. Know your numbers. Be in control of your finances. Know your weekly profit and loss, know your pricing models back to front. Know what happens if you shift that pricing model by testing the market. Control the numbers so that they don’t control you.
8. You’re in this for the long haul, so do what you love. I know that’s a grossly overused statement. I also know that it’s not always a reality. And if it is your reality, I’d love to know what hypnotic NLP mind tricks you’ve managed to brainwash yourself with. However, I’m a realist and in life and business there are some things to be scared of. However, that aside, you can control doing what you love ….most of the time. Doing what you love is a never-ending, long-lasting, durable relationship that keeps giving. It’s giving back to yourself in kindness, it’s rewarding yourself and it’s living in truth to your core essence.You’ve always got your best interests for your own heart. Tap into your feelings as this guides you, clarifying what task or goal is in most accordance with that love feeling. I’ve been surprised over the years at the kinds of things I really love. To others it may seem like a chore — like writing or preparing a presentation on a Saturday morning. As the momentum of success builds and the rewards are reaped, what you love changes and gives rise to more things that help your business grow and help others grow too. As I have deepened in this business journey these are the things I come to love more.Ultimately, both love and business are part of a feeling journey. What I love about business is that I am able to sculpt it into any masterpiece I desire. Sometimes love is not so easily sculpted and human hearts can be unpredictable.For the record, when I was 18 I went back to England to visit Gary. I turned up unannounced on his doorstep next to my old house. I had no idea what I was doing, I just had a bellyfull of courage and some unanswered questions. When he answered the door we both stood there for many moments staring in silence. Was there a long passionate embrace? No. Was there a famous never-to-be-forgotten kiss? Nothing like it. In between that silence and the years of separation, I had reclaimed my heart and my power to create my destiny.